"Meaningless! Meaningless!
Utterly Meaningless!
Everything is meaningless!"
I have been dwelling on the words of Solomon of late. And not the usual stuff, such as proverbs and fawn-like breasts...no, but rather his thoughts on misery, wisdom, knowledge, and folly.
I felt a connection with the words in Ecclesiastes. They seem to have met me where i am. Solomon's words are (in a word) intense. I also do not like wrapping them up in to a nice little package and saying that all they are about is how "meaningless life is without God," because they feel like so much more than that when i read them. They feel like struggle, and anguish, and doubt, and hope, all wrapped up in poetry.
"Light is sweet,
and it pleases the eyes to see the
sun.
However many years a man may live,
let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the days of darkness,
for they will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless."
And i have been thinking on that recently. The meaninglessness of things. Or rather, the meaning in things. But, in reading this, i feel the weight of it. That most of what i do is meaningless. That most of what i do has very little weight to it. That i can hold my work in my hands, and let it sift through my fingers, so that it falls and forms pillars of sand on the ground.
Yet i still feel pushed towards things. I still feel like acting on certain impulses, as if some things matter more than others, as if i need to accomplish a task in life, or many small tasks.
"Be happy, young man, while you are
young,
and let your heart give you joy in the
days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart
and whatever your eyes see,
but know for all these things
God will bring you to judgment.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your
body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless."
This makes sense to me. I have known this in my life. Part of the problem now though is that i feel myself coming to the end of my youth, coming in to adulthood. Where i am responsible for things. Where i have to make decisions, and act in the interest of others, rather than just my own. And i know i am still young, that when i turn twenty in 14 days i will still be in the early years if my life, but i am feeling the weight of my decisions.
"Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them" -
before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow
dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;
when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the
windows grow dim;
when the doors of the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;
when men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself
along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.
"Remember him - before the silver cord
is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,
and the dust returns to the ground it
came from,
and the spirit returns to God who
gave it."
Now this intrigues me. I am not sure if i am taking the analogy in the correct way, but i hope i am. I want to be as the pitcher at the spring, as the wheel at the well. For when Solomon speaks of a spring, or a well, i am reminded of living water. I am reminded of God. When my time comes, i want it to be as the man in this passage. I want to be as a vessel being filled by the spring, or as a wheel working to bring water from the earth when i go, in that moment i am taken away.
So i am going to follow the ways of my heart till that time comes, bearing in mind the knowledge of light, the knowledge of my creator, my savior. I am going to enjoy the presence of my parents. The company of my brother. By the sweat of my brow i am going to experience the painful toil and satisfaction of eating off the land. The fulfillment of creation. The wonderment of travel. And perhaps even the knowledge of love.
"Meaningless! Meaningless!
Everything is meaningless!"
Maybe so. But perhaps God can give it some meaning through me.
