I must say, i am a little apprehensive. Not in a real negative way, but in the way that i am not sure how i am going to feel being back. Less than two weeks and it has been almost two years.
A lot has happened in the past two years. Part of me is afraid i won't feel as comfortable as i once did with the old group. That there will be new inside jokes that i am on the outside of. New quotable lines, catch-phrases that will need to be explained, and so diminished in meaning. New friends and faces that i am unfamiliar with.
I even wonder if it will feel like returning home at all. Or if it will all feel like a dream, the familiarity of it all. Perhaps i will feel out of place, or like i have returned too soon.
I worry that i will get caught up in old troubles. Old conflicts and trifles with people. That little grievances will rise to the surface again, even if so much time has passed.
But even with all these little troubles floating around in my head, i know it will be good.
I will be surrounded by people who i feel completely comfortable with. Lots of people i am at peace being around. I won't feel the need to impress anyone, or prove myself in any manner. Show that i am a worth while conversation to be had. I can be in group settings and not have to worry about where i am going to position myself to avoid awkward chit-chat, or fake small talk. I can be myself.
I will know where i am and where i am going. All the familiar places and significant spots. Zippy's in the wee-hours of the night (even if i never cared much for it), the church office, Alex's house, "the swamp", North Shore, and the old S-Bux. All full of memories and life.
And the weather shall be delightful. No 110 degree heat, or frigid air. Just cool tropical breezes and ever present showers. O the rain, how i have missed it so. And the beaches. And the waves. And the mountains that keep me headed in the right direction.
Everything will be there. And i will get lost in conversations with old friends. And drive empty roads in the night times. And even visit a few places i have never known before.
It will be near perfection. And the only thing that will be able to bring it to its full potential will be her presence. Her arrival. And everything will be as it should.
I think i will really be at ease for a few weeks there. That i will be able to rest in that short period of time. And rejoice in the wholeness of it all.
I am coming home.
