Friday, June 19, 2009

Hard

I think i am a little too critical of myself at times.  I really did not care for my last post when i wrote it, but looking back on it now i am very pleased with it.

I realize now just how full of love and emotions i am.  Recently it has been boiling over and very noticeable to those around me.  Heck, my brother even noticed.  And i don't like it.

I love the relationship.  The dynamic and mingling of two souls, trying to understand the significance of oneness.  Sorting through the mundane, the insignificant, the trite, because those things make up a life, little by little.  Learning to take the pieces of one life and join them with the pieces of another.  Trying to become more like God.

It is so significant.

Yet so fragile.

It can hurt.

Cut.

Singe.

Sear.

Kiss my hand to cover with lye and burn.

So why do it?  Why go through with it all?  Why put our selves out on the line?  It would seem so much easier to go with out.  So much easier to play safe, never risk a thing.  Protect our hearts.  Keep things between us and God.

Why?

Why?  Because we can't.  I know I can't at least.  Perhaps there are those who can.  Those that can give there hearts to God and God alone.  But not I.

I long for the embraces.  Not only of flesh and bone, but of thought and mind.  Connecting deeply and meaningfully with another soul, in an attempt to bring meaning to our own existence.  I long for the moments of oneness, that seem to remove us from time and place, and set us alone, together.  The converging that can never be fully expressed, even in poetry.  Only experienced.  I long for it all.

We are flawed.  And our baggage gets in the way.  And we may not be perfect.

But we are beautiful.

And we are loved.

You are loved.