I feel very strange right now. I believe it stems from a mixture of too much sleep and not being right with God. It is funny, my relationship with God has really come to a place where it is not so much that i feel convicted about the things i do, but that i feel the strain in our relationship when i do things i know He does not approve of. Like when i tease my brother in front of my mom...or i talk about not caring for school in front of my dad...or when i say "Actually..." to one of my friends...haha.
Good ole' Don Miller...
I am reading "Is That Really You, GOD?" by Loren Cunningham, the guy who God used to create YWAM. My mom sent it to me to read because i am waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do...and it talks about listening to the Lord, and how God spoke to him about YWAM back when he was 20. I have read two chapters of it and it is really great. I think it will be good for me. Especially because the Lord told me to stop being stubborn and listen to my good, Godly mother when i was praying a few weeks ago.
So life is going by...and i know a little of what my ministry is to be for the time being. One basic thing is sharing a life in Christ with those around me. Another i think is to take in the world...to feel how lost it is...and how powerless i am...but how powerful God is. And it is all very cliche' and simple. But it is all very new and real and frightening at the same time.
I rode in to Los Angeles this past weekend on a Greyhound bus. The sun was setting red over the city through the thick haze of wildfire smoke. The landscape around me was industrial and desolate and as i looked out the large windows i felt as if i were being driven in to a war zone. I got excited. I was sad due to leaving my family behind in Arizona, but i got excited again for things to come. Perhaps i watch too many movies like Lord of the Rings and get this feeling like i have to be part of a war to accomplish anything great in this life. But i am apart of a war, and the amazing thing is that LOTR is only a metaphor for the war that has been raging for all of history. So in a sense i really was being driven to the front lines of a war. Though not a physical war, but a spiritual one, and no matter where i go i will always be on the front-line.
3 comments:
Do you usually feel this way? For some reason i didn't really imagine you feeling like that. idk why. i am glad that God is speaking you about ministry but more so His will for your life now. (which i think is 0932839times more important than ministry.)
I don't know if you already knew, but we are doing a series in 2 weeks on LOTR! hahaha, felt like His will also. I've been thinking and praying about it and i was just wondering through it again. i'm glad you brought it up.
call sometime, or i'll call you and we can talk more about stuff. these things and my things, i have a weird feeling also. like good or something, idk??!?!?! but i'll talk to you soon brother.
+landon
i liked the last paragraph especially. oh lotr.
yes, i like that picture too. i took it when suz & lan were driving me up to waialua to drop me off at my auntie's house & say bye. shadddd.
but yeah, i do think that God has really guided me with what to do with myself. & that's that i need to go home. for whatever reason He wanted me here. & He wants me to stay, but i don't think i'll be coming back next year. i'm still going to do the history thing, though even that has changed, i feel. anyway, we will see what He reveals!
:)
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