I realize now just how full of love and emotions i am. Recently it has been boiling over and very noticeable to those around me. Heck, my brother even noticed. And i don't like it.
I love the relationship. The dynamic and mingling of two souls, trying to understand the significance of oneness. Sorting through the mundane, the insignificant, the trite, because those things make up a life, little by little. Learning to take the pieces of one life and join them with the pieces of another. Trying to become more like God.
It is so significant.
Yet so fragile.
It can hurt.
Cut.
Singe.
Sear.
Kiss my hand to cover with lye and burn.
So why do it? Why go through with it all? Why put our selves out on the line? It would seem so much easier to go with out. So much easier to play safe, never risk a thing. Protect our hearts. Keep things between us and God.
Why?
Why? Because we can't. I know I can't at least. Perhaps there are those who can. Those that can give there hearts to God and God alone. But not I.
I long for the embraces. Not only of flesh and bone, but of thought and mind. Connecting deeply and meaningfully with another soul, in an attempt to bring meaning to our own existence. I long for the moments of oneness, that seem to remove us from time and place, and set us alone, together. The converging that can never be fully expressed, even in poetry. Only experienced. I long for it all.
We are flawed. And our baggage gets in the way. And we may not be perfect.
But we are beautiful.
And we are loved.
You are loved.
5 comments:
Haha! Blog nite! We are all feeling all sort of things. I absolutely do feel out of place, and it is frustrating. Rob Bell or someone says the most comforting words are "me too". Good thing we all have one another, huh?
Guess we're just of those who are burning with passion. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what you're saying. In fact, probably most people. And it does seem to be best described as "Hard", with a capital "H".
But then again, what is life?
The lye part reminded me of 'Fight Club'.
My mom told Suz that celibacy is only for some people and she doesn't really think God intended that for her life, haha. God made us to be in community, and He knew that Adam needed Eve. I love your ability to love. It seems much larger than this Earth. I will learn a lot from you.
'Here's to George Bailey! The richest man in town!'
When I reading this again, I am reminded of cities. I think of speech and sex, the great magnetism of people and those who are homeless conversing with others, we see as the air. Even Facebook, Myspace, Blogspot. We are all so hungry and itchy, so starving for this that it effects our cells, every song and every word. These things have such pressure in terms of gravitational pull.
It's ridiculous to me how I can think that I don't need it. Suzie's celibacy, my secret desire to move out of the house into a quiet, lonesome studio, among other things should be unnatural. Though when I see movies or hear a guitar playing it's usually accompanied by this theme of love. We have all tasted and we are all hooked.
(i think that we get it. i hope that we get it. yet sometimes i feel like a lot of people understand or they want something else that is fabricated. and all the while at the scope of the city lights people are falling in love, breaking up, filing for a divorce, traveling, getting married and "maybe even experiencing God for the first time.")
I am glad you like Denver! I have yet to hear anyone say anything bad about it.
& yeah, Hawaii is still super an option, but I am feeling things out - haven't really made a decision yet for sure. I am trying to be flexible because things change so quickly!
Post a Comment