Ties

I've written about being tied to a place before.  I am starting to feel a little tied to Denver.  And I have been tying more ties around my neck than ever before.

I thought about leaving at the beginning of the year.  Figured I would venture up to ever so sunny Seattle and help tend a farm.  But then I got offered this job at a cool new restaurant that was opening in the Highlands neighborhood in downtown Denver town and figured I couldn't pass it up.

I feel like I am making the kind of connections that could begin to take me places.  Connections with various people, in various circles, with various important ties and connections to other important people, places and things of varying sorts.  Just to phrase it in the vaguest of ways.  This is both exciting and terrifying.

It's kind of like that serious relationship I am kind of glad I am not in.  That one that would keep me tied down.  Keep me from moving and shaking like any savvy, well, you know: twenty-something.

I had lunch with an old high school friend of mine today. Which is a funny thing to be able to say now that I am nearly six years out of that four year institution.  And what did it make me think of?  More than reminiscing about those four years, I reminisced about the four years after them, and the two following those four—thought about the two that will follow this one.  What I have done and what I will do.

Eva, the friend I had Pho' with today, has graduated with an art degree, has been working at an art museum and is about to start her masters degree.  I graduated with an art degree, in film to be specific, have completed a couple feature length docs and am working on a successful bar-tending resume...haha.  I think we are both more or less where we figured we would be six years ago.  Actually, fuck that shit, I don't think I am anywhere near where I thought I would be six years ago.

If you had asked me then I would probably tell you that by now I would be done with school (check), working with a production company or tending to my own (semi-check), married (ha!), working on Chinese Waters (yeah, no longer a Christian) and maybe thinking about having a kid soon (double ha!).

I am definitely not as far along as I thought I would be in this so called life.  But, that said, all these connections and possible opportunities that could take me to that further along place, well, they make me nervous.

Like that metaphorical relationship: while the closeness that comes with being tied down is nice, it can also be a little restricting.  I may want to disappear in a year.  You know, purchase a plane ticket and see where it takes me, but if I am building upon business relationships and opportunities here in Denver—will I want to?

I am left with this choice, this choice to work hard and make things happen.  To really make shit happen.  Part of me wants that.  Really wants that.  Then there is a part of me that wants to skate by, take the easy way; ride it out.  And then in a year—disappear.

Tonight as I drove home I wondered if I could have both.  If I could work hard, make lots of great connections, and then disappear.  Just return in a year or two and pick up where I left off.  But I don't believe it works that way.

We had a craft beer rep for a local brewery tell us during one of our days filming for our documentary that he can't stop distributing to a liquor store for a week without loosing the rapport that he has built with them.  He works for a small upstart brewery and they were having problems with supplying enough beer to fill the demand.  Arguably a good problem to have.  But that said, he couldn't just stop and then pick back up where he had left off with these guys who were counting on his product to fill their shelves.  He had to maintain that relationship.

I really want to build some good relationships.  Or do I?