I feel like i am living for the future, like the things of real meaning will be coming at any moment to sweep me off my feet. Only this is how i have always lived, forever watching the horizon for that spark of light. And this is how i continue to live.
Perhaps this is how i will always live too, because if i ever stop looking to subsequent things then maybe i will stop growing. Landon said that a "valid awe-striking question will always be: where will (I) be in a few years?" And this question expects me to have some foresight. Now, if my foresight is held in eyes that are content with my current situation, then will i want to move on? Or will i want to remain? Ben Gibbard doesn't want to be a remainder, and neither do i.
But i think i am missing something still. I don't ever want to be completely content with my locality, but i do want to be fulfilled in whatever predicament i find myself in, knowing i am in the center of God's will.
I think that is what i am looking for. God's will. God's will. God's will.
Why aren't there better sermons on knowing God's will for my life?
Is it wrong of me to feel that God thinks i am wasting my time in Biology this semester? In English 2? In Broadcasting?
Is it wrong of me to feel that God thinks i am wasting my time at Vineyard?
Is it wrong of me to feel that God thinks i am wasting my time? His time.
I am not entirely sure what i should be doing. One idea is to be raising a crap-load of money for a charitable organization. Mark and I are planning on biking from Santa Monica to San Francisco this August. The plan is to get pledges and send the money to people who need it. Anyone have any ideas for who we should send it to? I am going to be praying about it. Please join me (in praying that is).
5 comments:
Paul covered oceans and stared through bars of iron and steel and knew blood on a first name basis before finding where God wanted him.
Kevin will cover California and stare through lenses of irises and shutters and know coffee on a first name basis before finding where God wants him.
Let's seek together. We'll be the remnant of God's wrath but not mathematical equations.
I'm tempted to drop my anchors and float. But we need to keep moving. Park and rest or drive and move, but never shift to neutral. If we sit and think too long we begin rolling backwards.
The intrepid Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet! ..our hero ruefully acknowledges that this happens fairly frequently..
i liked this a lot. it is very easy to relate to because i think we all feel this. often.
i myself have also been on a similar quest lately. i feel that i have lost passion for what i was working toward. so i am reevaluating, though all the time knowing that 'perfect plans cannot be made'.
it seems like every time i feel like i know exactly what God is expecting of me, i am given a violent shove in a completely different direction or something. but i'm always learning & growing & am thankful for every single moment i have been allowed, no matter how painful.
something that has been a reoccurring for me as of late is - similar to what you said - perhaps there will never be that time that we feel completely content in our current situation & will always been striving towards the future & all that it holds. but perhaps when we embrace this relay to the end is when we will be content in all things. maybe?
anyway, i apologize for the midnight rant.
you may certainly dare ask for an interpretation. :]
also, i should - hopefully - be figuring out the LA/hawaii stuff THIS WEEK, so i will give you a call. even if i don't, i'll give you a call, haha.
(omg, i just typed out a freaking long comment but it got erased. i will type it out again because it's important)))))))))))))))
(this is so long, i hope you have time)
I totally understand what you mean by being afraid of the homeleez following you to your place, even taking advantage of you.
I want to find the balance in that.
In being "Christ-like," I know that we are not to be freaking doormats. But I can't help to think what if our paradigm of what God has called us to is wrong. When we think that giving [too much of] something away or being unreasonably generous would be not wise, that we wouldn't be stewarding what God gave us correctly.
What if we are supposed to be totally spent in giving our food, resources, time, money and lives up for people?
Yet we don't do this because it's the 21st century and God doesn't do mass feedings of the poor like before and we need to save, we can't rely on social security, the economy is collapsing, etc. etc.
If we don't STRESS and WORRY and MOAN and GROAN about these things, we're naive and ignorant. If we don't plan for these things we aren't wise.
But then what is wisdom when our wise choices revolve solely around ourselves and how we will get by comfortably.
I hope that the Church is torn in the heart about these questions like we are.
Though, I know that it might not be our calling to stop and feed ever colored man on the promenade. Nor fill each of their containers with money - so what are we to do?
After giving that man my money the first day surprising you, I had asked God what the heck to do when more people started asking for money. I felt like He told me to do this: when someone asks me for money, let them know that I am in no position to give my money away like that, but instead offer them prayer in the name of Jesus.
If they are really in some sort of need, they just might catch the heart of God in that. If they are just real hungry or want to smoke weed then they will blow you off just as fast as you would've blown them off in your B.C. days.
I wonder if every legit follower feels this way? Like, torn...?
In heaven, all of the angels dance and sing and float and stay close to God. They listen to Him and desire to glorify Him through obeying His voice. And that is true joy, hearing God and doing His will. Purpose in it's fullness may just be discovering why you were created - transforming back into a child of God to be intimate with Him then glorify Him by the way you live, what you do, what you choose, who you choose.
This is strange because I know it's not an equation.
His kingdom would be His people. His creatures and everything He has created. His subjects. The sovereign rule of God, His majesty and all of His children ruling with Him in complete awe.
The Kingdom of Heaven, is just that. His people, dwelling with Him, doing as He desires and being completely glad in that.
I guess that's what we pray when we ask His kingdom come and will be done. Because we are the keys to the kingdom, our lives are to unlock people and His Spirit in us to soften then hearts and help them to unleash and discover the Kingdom child in them so that would be a part of His team too. His family. His klanzz.
I really believe that if we were to live like that, like completely spent, we would be on our knees. We would need to be so close to God because all we would have is Him and each other. I'm not saying that we literally sell our belongings - why not?! - but more so, identify less with the physical and more with the Spirit.
If we were to live violently for the Kingdom of Heaven, the church would look at us and spit. Our friends would think we're nuts and not talk to us as much. Our own families might think we're so dumb and rebellious and even mask it in a "we are concerned about you, you're taking this Jesus thing wayyy too far."
I've been wrestling with Luke 14:25-33.
25Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'
31"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.
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what the hell dude?
"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."
do we live like that?
THIS IS WHAT GOD IS CALLING US TO.
Like, i'm so serious, screw being confused about whatever. screw being dumb and doing things we know hurt God. Screw everything else when we feel "tired" and don't want to seek God. Screw the pursuit of comfort or ministry or status or something important.
WE'VE GAINED EVERYTHING ELSE YET HAVE OVERLOOKED THE VERY THING THAT DISQUALIFIES US FROM BEING HIS DISCIPLE. We are so tied to our own crap that we think it's normal.
seriously, thank You Lord for Your grace and mercy because we are morons, but You see Christ in us and have loved us as You have loved Him. Help Your Church to rise up. Strike us down that we would seek You, truly seek You.
We want to see You, God.
Please.
i think landon wins for longest bspot comment ever.
i was a creep & read it because i was intrigued & i thought it was really excellent & thought provoking.
i also thought it was funny that he referred to homeless people as colored people? if i took that the right way? haha.
what i came here to say was that i think we should watch the passion when i comeeeee. i saw it like years ago in the theaters, but i feel like we should watch it again.
dude, no aley, i seriously was up at 3am and went crazy with my thoughts and wrote all of that in like 15 mins or something. it ended up to be about 1300 words or something and 3 pages in a word document! haha, AND it just so happened to be that every homeless man i saw was a colored man. what do i mean by colored? i could mean yellow or RED LIKE YOU or black or brown or white.
they were all black, basically.
hah, just thought i'd be more PC, for kelly.
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hey kev,
the image you're connected to sounds a little more down to earth and haha, just better than mine.
it's funny because i know that everyone is trying to project this image of themselves, just how we so transparently explained what our "goals" are or who we want to be, even who we want to be seen as by others. I wish i could ask people what they are trying to me - even myself - and let them know that they don't have anything to prove or anyone to impress. that they should seek God and not their dreams, yet consider them. That God is some how very mysteriously all of our dreams.
God is so intense.
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