Old Fashioned

Started watching Mad Men. Two in. It's interesting. Simple. Makes me wonder what I could learn from the men of my grandfathers generation.

What I could learn about things like propriety, chivalry, daring. Being a man's man. How to treat a woman.

Mad Men seems to want to show things through the eyes of today, through the eyes of equality between men and women. Making the men of the show out to be bad men...perchance mad men?

And it seems fitting to my modern mind. To think of these men as sleazy, low-browed, controlling, biggity. But maybe it's possible to gleam some things from them as well. To learn confidence. To learn poise. To have a sense of strength I feel a lot of men loose in this modern world.

I would like to believe I strive for a balance of my Grandfather, my Father, and myself. Of the generations before me and mine own. That I can be both strong and reasonable. Treat a woman well not only in material, but also in an emotional sense. Stand up for what's right, yet still yield to what's necessary.

Not sure what about me makes me want to be this kind of man. What message my hormones are shooting through me and what message my childhood spent with my mother is telling me. But this seems appropriate to me. Fitting. Sane. Sound.

Place 1 sugar cube in old fashioned glass and saturate with 2 dashes bitters and a splash of water. Muddle until dissolved. Fill the glass with ice cubes and add 40ml bourbon, scotch or rye whiskey. Garnish with orange slice, lemon twist and two maraschino cherries.

Happiness

Looking back on my last few posts i realize i haven't written on here since i got my new job. Heck, i haven't written on here in a while period. So...

I got a new job! I am a bar-back at Euclid Hall Bar & Kitchen. Which is a really rad restaurant in downtown Denver. One of a kind. Great food. Great beer. Great atmosphere. And not to mention i have practically doubled my income. Which is funny, because i am still broke.

Though it is nice. I do go out more. And it has helped me to cover expenses i would have been powerless to cover otherwise. I was digging myself in to some credit card debt i wouldn't have been able to pay off with my Starbucks job. Although i did it knowing i would be making more money soon. But i have also payed off my new computer, and the bill for my stupid ass mistake of driving through a giant puddle and needing to get my car fixed. And i have been able to do small trips, and buy things for said trips.

All in all, i am making more money, and spending more money. Next purchase will hopefully be a nice bike. Followed by a season pass to go snowboarding this winter. Not to mention a work schedule that will allow me to enjoy said pass. For i make enough money and still have a three day weekend every week.

Am i happier? Not necessarily. But that wasn't why i wanted more money. It was so i could afford the things to make me happier.

But i read an interesting article recently. That showed that happiness is hard to attain when happiness is the goal. But one thing it did say is that people are generally happy when pursuing meaningful relationships with others. And i do remember writing a certain post about that being my ultimate goal not too long ago.

And so, to also tie in my brief post right before this one, I'm not too happy right now. Because i am lacking meaningful relationships.

So i need a friend. A "best-friend." A "girlfriend." Landon is still my best friend and we haven't lived in the same vicinity for over 4 years now. Although that might change in a year. I wonder what that says about my friendship making abilities?

I think it says that Landon and i are uniquely related in many ways and perhaps i won't ever find another friend like him. But i need some that at least come close. That aren't females.

And then comes the girlfriend. But i already wrote about that.

At least i can afford one now!

Lonely

I keep telling myself i need a girlfriend. For nights like these. Where i text a liturgy of people and get little to no responses. Someone I can rely upon to hang out with.

I also have been seriously lacking in serious conversations. Deep, meaningful conversations. Perhaps because i am keeping pertinent facts about myself away from those closest to me. Perhaps i should start being more honest.

Another issue at hand is that i find i have built close relationships with girls. Who then get boyfriends. Who then stop hanging out with me.

My goal this summer was to get a girlfriend. I appear to be failing.

The problem as i see it is that i don't hang out with the right crowds. All the girls i come in contact with are largely Christian. Therefor eliminating any chance for a serious relationship. I need to find secular crowds with similar interests to mine. I know these crowds exist, i feel close to them when with my film making buddies, but i haven't really found them yet. I think the girls i hang out with at work aren't quite in the right groups.

So here i sit. Alone. On one of my two nights off this week. Unable to find even one person to hang out with. Contemplating drinking a beer and making phone calls.

Le sigh. Next post will be a response to my last two.